


Don't stim William

by oswin42



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Asperger Syndrome, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Sherlock, Stimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-04-01 01:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4001089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oswin42/pseuds/oswin42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock Holmes doesn't have autism. Or does he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't stim William

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short fic based on an idea I had. The descriptions are how I experience it.

   Sherlock shouldn't have punched the suspect in the face (even though they all knew it was necessary) but he still had to do the paperwork for it. John had already gone.

   It wasn’t until Sherlock had snapped at Lestrade and told him to ‘go fuck himself’ had Lestrade let him go home. He collapsed on the couch and curled up tightly around a pillow.

   His head was pounding from all those sounds. The yard was hell when he was overstimulated. The lights buzzed and they had mosquito repellent that was too high to hear for most people. Sherlock, however, wasn't most people and it hurt his ears. Then there was the tapping on the keyboard in the office next to Lestrade (wrist broken in childhood, doesn't use left hand as well as the right) and the scratching of the pen on paper. The case had been horrible as well. He waited for hours with all the little noises around. The tapping of a leaking tab into a metal basin. The pacing of John and Lestrade. The wind that made a window rattle. The cartoons on telly on a floor below them.

   He tried to ignore them as always but since he had forgotten to sleep the past two nights as well that wasn't as easy as usual. In the end it had given him a painful headache. Then there was the cabbie on his way home that tapped something that wasn't quite a rhythm onto the steering wheel and the engine was out of tune. He'd closed his eyes most of the time just so he didn't also get all the visual input like most of the time. He blindly found his way to the couch.

   His hands were shaking as he reached for his headphones. He put them on and listened to his favourite violin piece.

_You shouldn't do that William.'_ Came the voice of his brother in his head as he wanted to start rocking.  _“The Holmes brothers don't stim.”_

   Sherlock tried not to let his instincts take over. He wanted to stim. He wanted to stim so badly.

   His parents and brother had known quite early on William Sherlock Scott Holmes wasn't like other kids. He didn't really play games, He didn't talk. From the moment he could crawl properly he had found a way to the library and taught himself to read. When Mycroft found this out he spent as much time as he could reading to his little brother.

   After several doctors and therapists one had suggested non-verbal autism. His parents and Mycroft went quiet and Sherlock (on Mycroft’s lap) looked up and shook his head. "Don't be preposterous. My Intelligence quotient is way too high for that."

   That's how they discovered that he did speak. To encourage him to communicate better and learn how to play his parents gotten him a dog. He had called him Redbeard. That summer Mycroft spent all his time teaching Sherlock how to recognise emotions and how to deduce people. Sherlock caught on remarkably quick. He was clever indeed.

_'No William, don't stim.’_ Came his brother’s voice in his head again.

   He had learned that stimming was the rocking up and down that he did when all the noises and lights became too much or when they tried to make him wear clothes he didn't like.

   The doctor had recommended to get him into music early on so for his fourth birthday their parents had given him a violin. He had been so happy he jumped up and down while flapping his hands.

_‘Don't stim William.’_

   Flapping hands was a bad too.

   The first few years of school he was home-schooled, after a horrible meltdown on his first day that neither of his parents or Mycroft want to remember. Sherlock doesn't remember it at all. It involved an unfortunate teacher that had picked him up without telling him first.

   When he was six years old his brother went off to boarding school. Sherlock was gutted. He had a meltdown, a panic attack and a tantrum at the same time. Mycroft had almost stayed home, if it wasn't for his parents that told him they could handle it. A month later Mycroft had come home to find Sherlock crying and hugging a dead Redbeard while rocking up and down violently. That day he changed his name to Sherlock and started hating his brother.

_‘We don't stim William.’_

   He couldn't hold back anymore. He needed to stim. He needed to. He needed it. He wrapped his arms around his head in an attempt not to hear Mycroft’s voice in his head and to lock out the sounds of Baker Street and the apartment. He rocked his whole body up and down, his knees drawn to his chest.

 

 

   John came in with the shopping. He was in the middle of a comment about the milk when he saw Sherlock and dropped the bags.

   "Sherlock!" he called out in horror. Sherlock didn't hear him.

   "Oh my god Sherlock." he said as he hurried over to the couch. He knelt down. "Sherlock. Can you hear me?"

   Sherlock gave no reply. John put his hand softly on Sherlock’s arm. Sherlock screamed. It felt like someone had put a thousand pins into his arm in the shape of a hand. The hand quickly moved away.

   "Sherlock." John was almost panicking now. "Sherlock what's going on?"

   "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I’m sorry. I won't stim! I'm sorry, I’m sorry!" Sherlock tripped over his words as he apologized.

_‘A Holmes doesn't stim.’_

   "Sherlock please tell me what's going on." John’s voice pleaded. Sherlock refused to open his eyes. John was going to hate him now. John was going to leave when he learned the truth. The panic only made him rock more violent "Don't leave me! Don't leave me, don't leave me!"

   "I'm not going anywhere Sherlock." Came John's voice softly. “Is it okay if I touch you?"

   Sherlock shook his head so violent that he hit the wall in the process.

   "I'm going to give you something to calm down, okay?" John tried. Sherlock nodded a little.

   "There's going to be a sting and then you'll get real sleepy, okay?"

   Sherlock nodded again. John’s warmth moved away for a second and then there was a sudden sting in his arm. Slowly the panic and stress faded as the sleep came.

 

   It was getting light again when Sherlock finally woke up. There was a thick blanket draped over him. John was asleep in his chair. Sherlock tried to get up quietly but the movement woke John up.

   "How are you feeling?" He asked as he immediately snapped into doctor mode.

   "Tired." Sherlock replied "Sore. Exhausted really"

   "You scared me" John admitted 'Why didn't you tell me you were autistic?"

   "I'm not" Sherlock growled protectively.

   “Sherlock. People with autism stim."

   "I didn't stim!" He protested

   "You used the word yourself"

   "I don't have autism"

   "Sherlock, its fine. I don't care if you do or don't have autism and I don't care if you feel like stimming sometimes."

   "You- you don't?"

   John got up. "Of course I don't. It's not your fault."

   He stretched and went to the kitchen to make tea. "But maybe it’s a good idea to find something to calm you down because you can really hurt yourself like that. Tea?”

   "I-uh-yes."

   John handed him a cup of tea and sat down with his own.

   “I’m sure we’ll find something.”

   “John?” sherlock asked quietly after taking a sip of tea.

   “You want to stop all the stimming?”

   “Just the ones where you can accidentally hurt yourself like the rocking. I have no problem whatsoever with other kinds”

   Sherlock face lit up in happiness.

   “Thanks John”

**Author's Note:**

> I want to make it clear that when Sherlock would have gone to those doctors Aspergers syndrome would not have been known in the UK (apart from maybe a few specialists). I'm not a psychologist but I know a lot about autism spectrum disorder (both from medical reading and my own experience). I have tried my best to have everything scientifically accurate. 
> 
> please leave comments.


End file.
